We’ve been encountering a fair bit of turbulence over this past couple of weeks…in our home…actually honestly, in our marriage. We’ve had our fair share of high and lows in our 13 years of marriage…the thing we’ve noticed recently though is that the atmosphere in and around us ebbs and flows sometimes depending on the time of the month for..or how tired we are..or visa versa….
And the influence that has on each other, our children and people around us….
Our internal atmosphere directly impacts our external atmosphere and sometimes, circumstances create an atmosphere and we allow them to…this may include other people around about us or just that life doesn’t seem to be going the way we had wanted or hoped.
Anyway…to be completely honest with you…this fluctuating atmosphere has caused us somewhat of a blowout…a couple of real diabolical situations where we were on very thin ice…our relationship, our marriage, our family situation was quite literally in jeopardy…it was palpable….that negative atmosphere, as the saying goes, was so thick – “you could cut it with a knife”
However, in the midst, somehow…I cannot explain…we are still here today. Neither of us can really say what happened, accept that we stayed…it didn’t feel like a choice at the time…but to sleep or to shush up or to move into another room…but NOT to walk away, was clearly a choice that bid us enough time and space, for that atmosphere to dissipate…just long enough for us to make better choices. We chose, in time, over the next days, when the atmosphere was still heavy, to sit at the dining table and pray. Although, prayer in itself was not the answer…the real answer was in His Presence.
We have sat now, a couple of times in this state, with nothing else to say, but help us God…and in the sitting still…we have felt a change in our internal atmosphere – just enough to connect with God and somehow, each other again…
It is a rebuilding process…it is taking time and being still more often…the atmosphere is shifting and changing faster than probably either of us could have imagined. Somewhat it seems, the heavy negative atmosphere comes in like a flood…however, stopping long enough to acknowledge this is not what I want and we want…again it is pushed back and His Peace comes in again…and we move gently forward in His Love. It’s a process, we know…it’s painful at times…
Today, as I asked the Lord about my frustrations and how I just didn’t want that anymore…it builds up to a point where it is unbearable, torturous even…then in the stillness, He simply replied by saying:
You are exactly where I want you to be….and I love you!
Your husband is exactly where I want him to be….and I love him.
In our struggles…in your struggles today, you are exactly where He wants you to be. It may not look like that to you, it may not feel right…but He knows that right at this moment in time…HE is completely for you and knows all about it and is on to it.
As I truly realise I am EXACTLY right where God wants me – in this moment, I can cast aside all concerns, worries or anxieties about anything right now….nor in the next moment. For each moment is a precious gift from Him, for me to enjoy Him and Him me. Now that’s really living! How does that changes my internal atmosphere and perspective? It takes the pressure off a lot! I am just exactly right where I am meant to be and I am Loved. My job is to enjoy each moment with Him and those with me ..coz in the next moment there is even MORE to enjoy and share! Open your heart to recieve His more…and enjoy!